Day 12 I think

No idea really as they all blur into one, don’t they.

I went to hospital on Monday as doctors want to look further into my autoimmune disease that they’re suspecting. The whole experience was horrendous, many medical staff not wearing face masks or gloves, no one kept 2m distance and I felt thoroughly unsafe in there.

I did see the rheumatology consultant though and after looking at my blood work that had indicated lupus, and examining me he told me that I had Unspecified Connective Tissue Disease. That means that there are processes going on where the body attacks its own cells but I don’t quite complete the tick off list for lupus or other CTD.

The problem is that this sounds really vague but the problems are very real. He acknowledged my issues (at least) and didn’t make me feel like it was only in my head. However, there’s nothing there for him to treat as such so I’m kind of back where I started. I have an illness (on top of the strokes and the faulty heart) but no one can really help. See ya.

Meanwhile the crushing fatigue (that feels like flu rather than being tired) continues, I won’t lie my mental health has been better and I feel horribly guilty that my husband again has to to everything when I’m lying in bed dead to the world.

And this shall pass is not really a fitting mantra either. It won’t pass. This condition is for life. One to get your head around.

I hope everyone stays well, Hasta pronto x

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